And you ever notice how when things do start to go wrong, that every little thing suddenly turns against you?
Well, I was noticing that now.
However, being too stupid to just give up and let gravity take this hunk-of-crap-broken VW into some poor, unsuspecting neighbor’s yard and let them deal with it, I decided that I would, literally, push on. As I strained against the front bumper of the car, I noticed that the oil was, at this point of the street, mostly confined to the passenger side of the road. So I slipped, in my now well-lubricated shoes, over to the un-defiled and far more traction-friendly drivers side of the bumper, and renewed my efforts to get this pile home. And, by God, it seemed to work!
Slipping only occasionally now, I was moving the car up the street at a blistering pace of roughly ten feet per minute! At this rate I was sure to be back up the street by lunch time!
However, this minor victory in progress, not surprisingly at this point, was to be short-lived. As I made my way up the street, the oil slick got gradually wider. I found that now that I knew about the slippery pavement, I could actually push the car anyway, it just took more effort and careful footwork. I would have steered the car over to the clean side of the street, but I had no real way of holding the car from running me over and getting the wheel turned at the same time. So, I just kept slipping my way slowly up the street.
I had made about two hundred feet of progress, when I noticed that a neighbor lady was out in her front yard with a laundry basket, hanging clothes out to dry. I was more than slightly embarrassed at having broken down in the first place, and not sure how my liberally oiling up the street would be received by other residents, so I decided to attempt to just kind of push the car by her without her noticing. You know, like this was something normal-like you see someone huffing and puffing, grunting and groaning, pushing a bright green, oversized VW up the street every morning.
Of course, she noticed.
I am not sure what gave me away. They say that the human eye is attracted to movement. I’m pretty sure that was not what caught her attention, as I was moving at a pace any self-respecting snail would laugh at. Perhaps it was all the noise I was making, panting and heaving and slipping around in the block-long oil slick of my own making. Whatever it was that caught her attention, she noticed me, turned around, and with a wet shirt in her hands asked me what I was doing.
At this point, I was directly in front of her house, and not more than fifteen feet from her. Tired anyway, and needing a rest, I stopped my pushing and braced myself against the car to keep it from rolling back down the street. Now the way I had to lean, put my back mostly to her. So I looked over my shoulder at her and panted out that my car had broken and I was trying to get it back home. At this time I also noticed that she had a German Sheppard with her. A very large German Sheppard.
She asked what had broken. I replied that my oil filter had exploded and caused all the oil to pump out of the motor.
This might have been the wrong response.
Suddenly upset, she nearly yelled out “ You’re the one who oiled up the street!” in a very accusing tone. To say that she did not look pleased would be an understatement.
You ever have one of those days when it goes from bad, to worse?…..